Here is the beginning of Rawiri's and Jameel's retell. I like how you have added in detail to paint a picture of exactly what is happening in the story boys. Ka Pai!
One freezing cold night there was a little match girl. She was poor and had no money so she tried to sell her matches but no one wanted to buy them. She got up a lamp post and tried to get people’s attention but the people ignored the match girl and just kept on walking. Then a man came along and picked her up and put her on the ground. She started walking off like a nervous penguin. Finally she reached a wall and sat down with a sad face. She was cold as an ice cube. She thought about her match sticks and started lighting one of them up. Then she faced the matches at the wall and it reminded her of home. It was a picture of a Christmas tree with her mum at home, and she was hugging her mum. Vanish!! Everything was gone!
This next piece of writing belongs to Kini and Xyen. I was impressed with how you constructed it in such a collaborative manner boys - great cooperation indeed. I know you didn't get a lot done as you wanted it to be a perfect piece of writing!
The snow fell down creating a white layer on the little match girls worn and dirty hood. She looks at a family ice skating, a horse comes and bumps her and her matches fall on the ground. As she collects them her hands start to get freezing and sore.
Have a read of Kingston's and Teina-Kore's work. They have used their own vocabulary well and have tried to give the readers a sense of emotion.
One very freezing night there was a little match girl that was homeless and poor and had no money. There were snowflakes drifting down from the gray clouds and landing on her hoody. She tried to sell her matches to other people so she could buy some food. She was poor and freezing but the people were ignoring her. She climbed onto a lamp post and tried to get other people’s attention and a man lit up the lamp on the pole. She watched a family coming out of their house with longing as they looked warm and happy.
VJ and Harley your story tugged at my heart! You have really thought about the emotion in the poor little match girls life and expressed it well. Excellent use of similes too! Tino pai rawa.
The snow was floating gently down like feathers falling from the sky on a little girl. This little girl was as thin as a pin because she had nothing to eat; she had no parents and no one to look after her. She was as lonely as a homeless person.
The little girl was trying to sell matches, but no one wanted to buy them. She started to shiver; she was as cold as ice cubes. To try to warm herself up she began to light her matches but they kept going out. Every time she fired up the matches she day dreamt about having a family. Then she went to sleep, she was as tired as a sleeping lion. Then someone found her and took her with her. It was her mother taking her to heaven. The little match girl had died from hyperthermia in the snow.
I was impressed with all the writing that you did with a buddy - fantastic cooperation! It was hard to choose which pieces to publish. I think our next steps could be using different sentence starters! Keep up the great work.
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